{"id":68,"date":"2022-03-20T16:33:14","date_gmt":"2022-03-20T16:33:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/myfriendanxiety.net\/?page_id=68"},"modified":"2022-03-26T17:09:27","modified_gmt":"2022-03-26T17:09:27","slug":"what-is-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/myfriendanxiety.net\/?page_id=68","title":{"rendered":"Some thoughts on anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"

What is<\/em><\/span> anxiety?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I’ve seen anxiety defined a number of ways; most have these elements in common:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Anxiety is often characterized by intense, severe and persistent worry about common or specific situations. This worry often generates fear and a sense of dread, and results in strategies intended to avoid the situation, environment or person that triggers the worry.<\/em><\/p>\n

For many, anxiety can seem to be irrational:<\/p>\n

‘Why would someone be afraid to sit down at a table in the cafeteria with friends? What’s wrong with me?’<\/em><\/p>\n

But if we see the fear as irrational, it’s tempting to just try and power through it. For some, that can work. For others, it won’t.<\/p>\n

It’s my view that if we judge ourselves for having anxiety, it makes it harder to live with it — and manage it.<\/p>\n

It’s been my experience that anxiety can actually be an important source of truth: if we listen carefully, it can be telling us something we need to be aware of. That doesn’t mean we should listen to it and avoid everything we are anxious about, but I think it does mean that if we listen to it, accept it, care for it and work with it, that we can feel more whole, complete, and empowered.<\/p>\n

We may not easily understand what the anxiety or underlying fear comes from, but telling ourselves something isn’t real when it feels real may not help<\/em>. At least, not without some careful preparation.<\/p>\n

What I think can be helpful is to\u00a0think of anxiety as a friend<\/strong> — a friend who needs to tell you something from time to time. If you listen carefully, you may find it’s easier to live and work with it.<\/p>\n

I think there are four basic truths about anxiety:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Anxieties and fears get created when something in our experience makes us feel unsafe;<\/li>\n
  2. Once we feel unsafe in one situation, that sense of lack of safety can be triggered by other situations — and they don’t have to be the same as the original experience;<\/li>\n
  3. We may not remember how anxieties got started, but we don’t necessarily need to; and, perhaps most importantly:<\/li>\n
  4. Anxieties subside when we have the experience of safety.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Anxiety isn’t just a feeling of dread, fear or apprehension: it can be a physiologic state. When we feel anxiety, our body moves into its ‘fight or flight’ chemistry, and we can often feel the results: faster breathing, sweating, and so on. When it gets to that point, it can be really hard to calm ourselves down; that’s why leaving the situation that’s triggering the anxiety feels so important.<\/p>\n

    And I don’t mean to suggest we can simply calm ourselves down and have anxiety go away on the spot. Self-regulation techniques can be really important and helpful, but I also think that how we think of, view and interact with our anxious selves is important, too. I don’t mean to suggest that our anxious self is really apart or separate from whom we are; it’s clearly not. It’s part of us, but perhaps it’s a part we don’t know how to relate to or understand.<\/p>\n

    What I’ve seen that can be very helpful is to work on developing a healthier relationship with the anxious parts of ourselves. By that I mean that, in present time, we get to know the parts of ourselves that are anxious, and develop or establish a loving, supportive and empathetic relationship with those places within us.<\/p>\n

    I’ve got some thoughts about how to do that. Perhaps they will work for you or someone you care about.<\/p>\n

    Next: where does anxiety come from?<\/a><\/p>\n